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Letters on Mothers Day- A letter to all of Rain’s Mothers

Letters on Mothers Day Dear Rain,  06/05/20   So that day is fast approaching. Since we lost you, I have been agonising over the arrival of Mother's Day, for obvious reasons. But the week leading up has been a surprisingly tolerable one if I’m being honest... Although, that’s probably because last week was, in comparison, a horrible week, which I threw in a day early because I needed a break from being “normal”. Sunday just gone had been Bereaved Mother’s Day and I was noticing as each day went by and we were getting closer to the weekend, I was becoming increasingly agitated; my days were filling with sorrow and I was miserable. So, I took Friday off and decided that instead of being buried in melancholic thoughts about how no woman would want this day (because who would ever want to be a bereaved mother? I really fucking don’t I’ll tell you that...) anyway this weekend would be all about you. That was the only way I could see myself getting through
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Introducing Rain Tūmanako Ngatai

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I’ve been going back and fourth with myself on whether this letter will ever come to light. You were kept private for a reason, so do I keep it that way or let you be known to all the people who would’ve loved you?  Writing this on a Sunday, I think back to just a week ago. When I left the hospital in tears, being held by your uncle because I was leaving without you. I left feeling empty and lost. So angry, confused and left with one question- why? For months prior I had sleepless nights over you. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be enough to nourish you and help you grow in those first few months of knowing you. I tried to stop myself from planning ahead, take each day as it comes and although most of those days were spent with my head in a bucket, I still found myself in great anticipation for you; for your first cry, your first smile and even my first sleepless night with you earthside (because you were already giving me enough sleepless nights). We had made it out of the most d
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