A letter to Rain

I’ve been going back and fourth with myself on whether this letter will ever come to light. You were kept private for a reason, so do I keep it that way or let you be known to all the people who would’ve loved you?  Writing this on a Sunday, I think back to just a week ago. When I left the hospital in tears, being held by your uncle because I was leaving without you. I left feeling empty and lost. So angry, confused and left with one question- why? For months prior I had sleepless nights over you. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be enough to nourish you and help you grow in those first few months of knowing you. I tried to stop myself from planning ahead, take each day as it comes and although most of those days were spent with my head in a bucket, I still found myself in great anticipation for you; for your first cry, your first smile and even my first sleepless night with you earthside (because you were already giving me enough sleepless nights). We had made it out of the most d